You might have read the cow story. If you have, you already know I don't handle all of life's trials and tribulations with a lot of grace.

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HOW TO TAME A UPS GUY

One day when Dewayne (what a shortstop!) was 12 and playing in Little League I was rushing to get all the last minute things done so we could make it to the ball game on time. I was on one end of the house trying to get shoes on 4 year old Dustin. Dewayne had come in from playing with his BB gun outside and was on the other end of the house when I heard the UPS truck rumble into the driveway. I knew the only thing he could have been delivering was the hunting knife that Dewayne had ordered. As the UPS guy rang the doorbell, I yelled for Dewayne to answer the door, but realizing that he had left his BB gun outside, he was headed for the back door, not the front, yelling "I gotta get my gun!". I yelled back, "Ok, you get your gun, I'll get the knife!!" Needless to say, by the time I got to the front door, the UPS truck was quickly making it's way out of our driveway and up the hill away from our house. Now, even after all these years, when we have a delivery from UPS, they never ring the bell. Instead, they put the package in my car and off they go.




DIXIE ON SAFARI

Kaye and I were chatting over a scrabble game when I told her about this adventure I had in the back yard.

Fri Apr 17 13:23:44 : Dixie : ooooouuuuuu...I just kilt a snake in the yard!!!!!!!! ooouuuuuuu!!!!! I can't put my feet on the floor. I just know he came back to life and sneaked in the back door to git me. oooooouuuuuuuuu!!
Fri Apr 17 13:45:27 : Kaye : Hey... that cow didn't kill you and that dead snake ain't gonna hurt you either. :-) (Unless... you didn't really kill it.. and it was playin' possum...)
Fri Apr 17 13:53:40 : Dixie : Oh thanks, you're a lotta help!!! uhhhhh, I threw a brick at him and missed him by a mile. I got Dustin's pellet gun....like that was gonna work. I decided to pour purex on him, but I couldn't make myself get close enough.......
Fri Apr 17 13:54:29 : Dixie : I finally got in the car, made sure all the windows were up and the doors were shut real good and ran over him...... 3 times.
Fri Apr 17 15:26:32 : Kaye : And he layed there and let you? LOL!!!! dumb snake. Uhh.. isn't purex laundry soap? Wish I'd been there.. rofl!!!

That was the last play of the game....I thought I had her that time, but she beat me as usual...
Kaye, what the heck is ziti?????.... C'mon now, is that really a word?
See why she wins all the time? I think she cheats. *sigh* Oh well, that's just Kaye Being Kaye! Gotta love 'er. : )


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Awwww, that Kaye is just the swwwweetest thing! Look what she left for me in the next scrabble game.

Ooooooouuuuuuuu Kayeeeee!!!!!!!

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GO AHEAD KIDS, HUMILIATE POOR OLD MOM

Did you ever try to fix a water heater when you had no idea what the heck you were doing? Well....most people don't, but obvioulsy, I don't have the good sense most people have. One day I was 'trying' to fix the thing and, of course having a heck of a time. The water heater had my nerves on edge pretty good when the kids' fussing and fighting really drove me to the breaking point. I threw down my tools and stomped into the living room where I began telling the kids a thing or two in no uncertain terms. I noticed they were trying not to grin, but the madder I got, the bigger the grins got and finally the grins turned into full giggles, which made me really furious. Just before total hysteria set in, one of them said, "Mom go look in the mirror". This is what I saw.


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5 OF MY 15 MINUTES OF FAME
Of course, I don't screw up everything I do. Just most things. When I was in ninth grade, my english teacher did everything she could think of to make me stand in front of the class and give a book report. She even threatened to flunk me. I was so unyielding that during the last week of school she finally said, "WRITE that book report and hand it in to me tomorrow!"
And I did. : )

Dustin plays trumpet with the high school marching band. A couple of weeks ago, at the last football game of the season, it was senior recognition night and all the senior band members and their parents had to stand on the track in front of a stadium filled with a few hundred people and be introduced. Normally, I would have been a wreck standing down there with alllll those eyes on me. I kept wondering why this was different from that ninth grade english class(is english supposed to be capitalized here?). It was the same school and I could remember so clearly the terror that ran through me every time the teacher mentioned that I had better get that book report done. The entire week before that game I was amazed at how calm I was. And when the big night finally arrived, I took my place on the track with a big smile on my face, still wondering what was wrong with me. As I heard Dustin's name drift down from the press box and we stepped forward, it dawned on me.... I was just so proud to be standing beside that kid it didn't matter what I had to do to let the whole world know he's mine. Wonder if Ms. Vines was in that stadium?

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